One of the reasons I haven't been blogging as much recently is that all of my short posts have sort of migrated over to Facebook. I'd post that sort of thing here and let them just magically syndicate over there but then it would take a random time between 1 and 30 days for them to appear which isn't really practical. Anyway, just in case you follow me here but not there, here are some of the recent posts that I'm proud of. Someone recently accused me of taking illegal humor-enhancing drugs, which is just about the best compliment I've gotten in a very long time.
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Who decided the spacing on belt holes? Why is there no setting between "intestinal discomfort" and "pants nearly fall off in the Best Buy parking lot?"
I really hope the City of Redmond is at least aware of the irony in sending out a survey to find out if people read the inserts that come with their water bill as an insert in their water bill.
Manager: My goal this week is to finish reviews, so soon I'll have some numbers for you.
Me: That's good. If possible I'd just like my numbers in a canvas bag with a dollar sign on the side.
[Later as I leave his office...]
Manager: By the way, flaw in your plan: you did not specify what you wanted in your bag.
Last night I dreamed that I bought a head of cabbage. I carried it around for a while but it was annoying because I didn't get a bag. And now you know why the phrase "in your wildest dreams" has little effect on me.
I hereby declare that new RPGs that satirize the clichés of old-school classic RPGs are themselves now cliché. Whoa.
This Betty Crocker cookbook is way better than my old Chris Crocker cookbook. Every recipe was like "LEAVE THE POT ROAST ALONE!!"
Every time I walk down the hall toward the bathroom and kitchen with a water bottle in my hand I get this strange urge to pee in it. In summary, don't steal my water bottle.
Now that hotel wi-fi is quickly becoming a standard feature, I hope that the new differentiator is how many waffle irons they have for public use. Yum.
Today I won Photoshop. I was cropping a picture and I thought to myself, "256x256 would be a good size for this. Nah, I'll just crop it freeform and see what size that is." Then I proceeded to draw a rectangle of exactly 256x256 pixels. UNSTOPPABLE.