Friday, January 9, 2009


Thanks for the various kind words, Facebook wall posts, IMs, and the like over the past couple days. I'm still an absolute, terrible mess, to answer the question I've been asked so many times, but the sentiments are appreciated.

Yesterday and today I've actually been a little physically ill. It's not a localized thing, but an overall feeling of malaise that covers my whole body. I've been cold. (Admittedly, this has happened occasionally ever since I started losing weight.) I've even been letting out these unintentional little half-groans, half-sighs from time to time. (The tiniest of apologies if I'm not as interesting or fun to be around for a while.) Of course, it's possible that I have just picked up a cold or something, but it seems rather coincidental.

I've lost three reasonably close family members, but emotionally, this is the worst I've ever felt. I don't blame anyone, though—not me, not him. This is just the way it is. That's not very comforting, but I never thought of myself as someone who needed too much comforting, just time. I don't even know if I hope to be over it soon. I hope to be over it in the right length of time. What still terrifies me most is a fear of drifting apart even further—somehow failing in the transition from boyfriend to friend.

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