My favorite quote of the week, courtesy my uncle, to his sister.
Uncle: Your hair looks so pretty and different. Did you wash it?
After most everyone had gone home, the same uncle and his wife were reminiscing about when they were dating.
Aunt: Oh, did you see my new diamond? [Uncle] got it for me.
Me: It’s very… big.
Aunt: It’s very fake.
Me: (sarcastic) I’d never have guessed.
Aunt: He was such a cheap bastard when we were dating too. Remember that time that you said we were going to have a romantic dinner and see a movie? Where did we end up going? We went to Wendy’s instead of McDonald’s… and then we went for a walk in the park, because that was free.
Uncle: Well, honey, you weren’t really worth it... and by that time I realized that the more I spent on women, the worse things ended up, so for you I just didn’t spend anything, and look how it worked out.
Aunt: I still can’t believe I married you.
Me: At least you knew he’d be good with money.
Uncle: Oh, I wish I’d have thought of that talking to her father twenty years ago.
And finally, my favorite non-one-liner quotation event of the vacation:
Me: ...oh, you know... who's that stupid guy on Comedy Central who everyone hates?
Entire room in unison: Carlos Mencia.