Friday, January 20, 2006

Yes, I'd imagine

My lotion (Lubriderm Advanced Therapy) has, in bold letters on the back, this message:

For external use only.

I guess I can only think of a couple internal uses that people might be contemplating. I wonder what the danger is... overmoisturizing? Whenever I see instructions and warnings like that, I always want to know why. Sometimes it's obvious (do not put Listerine into eyes), but in this case, it's not.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Because some horny idiot in a pinch has undoubtedly tried to use the stuff for anal sex in the past, that's probably why. :-P

(To which I would say, wrong aisle, moron. Any drugstore on the planet is bound to carry KY and Astroglide ...)

Travis said...

And, having never applied copious amounts of lotion in that general region, I must still wonder... what terrible thing happens when you try it?

Anonymous said...

Well, like you, I wouldn't know from experience either, but I would have to guess that one likely possible result (for the receptive partner, at least) would be a nasty and rather intractable case of diarrhea. A lot of lotions are oil-based, and if they were put to that use, I would think the effect would be something like an enema -- but considering the differences in formulation between enemas and lotions, God only knows what could happen.

I shudder to think what could happen to the insertive partner. All kinds of things can enter the male urethra during sex -- that's how gonorrhea and chlamydia are transmitted, just to name two -- and getting an oil-based skin lotion up in there would have to be unpleasant to say the least.

As I alluded to in my first comment, that's why a dedicated lubricant such as Astroglide should be used. Those are water-based, and since water naturally occurs all throughout the body, one does not run into the problems of oil-based products.

Travis said...

WOW that's descriptive.

Okay, yeah, diarrhea is the main side effect I was imagining, but you make a very clear case for other more horrible things. Then again, if you're in such a rush for sex that you grab the Lubriderm Advanced Therapy, I imagine that you're not paying too much attention to the warnings on the back of the bottle.