Monday, December 5, 2005

What the hell

I told myself I wasn't going to waste time this morning, but last night's dream was so interesting that I can't help it. It all started when I was somewhere between Nebraska and the South and I discovered a portal to Hell. It was in the floor of some kind of rickety man-made structure, like a treehouse or something. It looked pretty scary; I could hear wailing and horrible noises, and saw bizarre structures below me. So, I broke open the hole a little wider and lowered myself in as safely as I could. I know it was a dream, because my standard behavior when encountering portals to Hell in real life is to not enter.

Anyway, I got down there, and it was pretty warm. Not bad, though; like, 80 degrees. Definitely tolerable. The wails I heard were all machines and peoples' voices—not torture voices, but regular voices. The terrifying structures were just manufacturing waste, like broken bits of wood. I had landed on an empty wooden crate. I looked around, and discovered I was in a factory.

A minute later two men arrived; a wealthy-looking man riding on what appeared to be a forklift with some kind of makeshift throne. I was introduced to him by the rider as Satan. Satan said hi, and introduced me to the other person who had just arrived, who was a little taller than me and about my age. He said that Satan is more of a title; he usually goes by Sebastian. He explained that due to their very strict "no escape" policy, it might be a while before I'd be returned to the surface world. I could either take up a manufacturing job, or just wander about, if I didn't cause trouble. I kind of got the impression that he was pretty new to the job; it even sounded like he was still working a bit on his supervillian voice, which he kind drifted in and out of.

So, uninterested in a manufacturing job, I spent the rest of the dream exploring Hell waiting for my paperwork to cut out. Somewhere along the way, I met up with a couple other people in my situation; apparently had a problem with portals opening up from Earth to Hell at the moment. The civilized structures of Hell reminded me a bit of the school in whichever fairly boring Harry Potter movie it was I saw. I met up with a younger girl, maybe 19 or so, who got there intentionally, and was mulling over attempting to stage a coup and become the new Satan. Sebastian was fully aware of her plans and wasn't too worried. I made some joke about how if she doesn't succeed, at least all those dark tomes she had been reading would boost her damage when using Necromancy spells. Personally, I don't get it, but Sebastian thought it was hilarious. Maybe he doesn't get too many jokes down there.

I mostly stayed in the buildings in Hell, away from the people being tortured, though some peoples' lesser transgressions resulted in them being butlers and servants to Satan, so I got to meet them. I did venture into the caverns once, and the demon patrols (they looked a lot like the orcs from the Lord of the Rings movies with cheaper makeup, to be honest) knew that we were okay and mostly left us alone. A few thought it would be funny to try to scare us, and come up and threaten us, but they were quickly summoned back into lines, and we weren't that scared of them, because they looked kinda fake.

And, that's about it. The dream ended before I got to return to the surface world, sadly. Were it not for my alarm clock, I might have had some exciting conclusion to my most interesting dream of late.

5 comments:

Derrick Stolee said...

I'm so glad your image of satan is Sebastian Elbaum. Of course, I'm just guessing here, but it fits.

Travis said...

As delightful as that would be... I'm afraid no. He looked like a non-cartoon version of Jafar from Aladdin, but a little friendlier. At some point someone also referred to him as Bastion, as in The Neverending Story, if I recall.

Andy Misle said...

Yeah, I think it's time to bust out the seasonally-appropriate mySebastian logo...

Anonymous said...

"I know it was a dream, because my standard behavior when encountering portals to Hell in real life is to not enter." But you entered JDE...

Travis said...

Well, I didn't know what it was at the time, besides a full-ride scholarship.