Okay, so here's a weird dream I had Friday night. I'm just going to report on a few little parts since I don't remember what was going on in most of it (it was even more rambling and pointless than my average blog post). I remember it involved my Segway for a while... I haven't used it in over a week; perhaps absence makes the heart grow fonder?
So, anyway, I was at a mall. (That should have been my first hint that I was dreaming.) The layout was similar to the famous Pike Place Market in Seattle, with the cramped quarters, busy crowds, low ceilings, and general feeling of unsanitary conditions, but it had normal stores like Abercrombie, Athlete's Foot, and a Starbucks. I was on my Segway, and went to visit my girlfriend, Jennifer Aniston. (Don't snicker. I don't even watch Friends.) She worked at the Starbucks there (which one of the girls worked at Central Perk? I don't know...), and she used her feminine wiles to get me to do her dirty work. She had a set of eight large stickers from "the government" that needed to be pasted on the traffic poles at a nearby intersection, right above the crosswalk buttons. The stickers explained the new laws for using crosswalks. I'm not certain how they were different from the old ones. Anyway, she was on break and wanted to read the newspaper, not put up signs for "the government."
So, I Segwayed out to that intersection, and found something odd: the streets were about sixty feet below street level. It was a very steep hill to get to and from the crosswalk buttons—steep enough that the Segway certainly wouldn't have been able to carry me up, and a bike or car wouldn't be able to either. I don't know how I got up there without some set of climbing tools; that detail was conveniently left out of the dream. Anyway, I put up all of the stickers (it seemed to take several hours) and then returned home. The next day, I found out that those stickers weren't from "the government" at all; they were part of an elaborate email forward hoax to which Jennifer had fallen victim. You know, post these crosswalk signs and Donald Trump will send you a thousand dollars or some nonsense like that.
So, there you go. I hope that entertained you.
I really have no idea why Jennifer Aniston was in my dreams.