Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The weird man who brings me food

I got another Safeway order tonight at about 7:45, and it was back to the weird sorta-creepy guy I've mentioned before. This is a rough transcription of how our conversation started:

Safeway: Wow, I can't believe how late it is already... past 9:30!
Me: Really? I thought it was like 8.
Safeway: Nope, it's about 9:30. (winks as he hands me the clipboard)
Me: Hmm. (I sign)
Safeway: Not gonna do that for me, huh? That's fine.
Me: Did... you want me to write 9:30 on the form?
Safeway: Sure, why not. It looks like they gave me way too many orders tonight; I was half an hour late! (My timeslot was 7:00-9:00) Ah, thanks, you're a good guy.

So, he was happy with my falsified delivery time. I guess that means that if he gets enough faked times through the night, he can take a nap in the truck and get paid for it or something like that. Anyway, when he left to get the second load of my groceries, I checked a clock (I didn't realize he was having me lie when I signed), and sure enough, it wasn't even 8 yet. The only instance where any of the drivers has ever asked me to put down the time was when one was five minutes late, so I wrote "about 9" on the form for him.

When he brought the second batch of groceries from the van, we had another interesting conversation. Last time he was here, he mentioned me that my upstairs-and-across-the-hall neighbors are a group of hot girls. This time:

Safeway: You ever take advantage of that? (Gestures to their door)
Me: Oh, no. I've never actually even met them.
Safeway: Oh, man. There's a party train you're letting slip through your fingers.
Me: Hmmm.
Safeway: You should go up sometime and ask if you can borrow a... (looks at my order) can of Coke.

Yes, there's a well-thought-out pickup line. "Excuse me, miss, do you have a can of Diet Coke that I can borrow?" What, I need it for a casserole I'm baking? Why would I... oh, never mind.

Party train... letting slip through my fingers. That phrase is more mixed-up than a cracked bowl full of melted tigers.


Andy Misle said...

You have no idea how badly I want to meet this guy. So awesome...

Luke said...

Outrageous. I'm giggling profusely!

Kerjo said...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you have the coolest Safeway guy ever.

Although, your previous posts on the subject would also help rank him as one of the creepiest ever, too.

Luke said...

I was trying to weigh last night whether who is my favorite recurring Travis blog character. I really cannot choose between constant-flush guy and Safeway guy. They're both so awesome.

Luke said...

Clearly, they're going to have to fight to the death -- in a steel steel cage cage.

Travis said...

Sunday Sunday Sunday!