Wednesday, May 11, 2005

"Competition" has a naughty word inside it

I used to think of myself as competitive. I've always loved games; how can you like games and not be competitive? Several years ago I began to change my mind about this. I see a couple different aspects to competitiveness:
  • A desire to win, and becoming upset if you lose and it was because of a lack of effort or a preventable failure
  • Becoming upset if you lose, even if it wasn't your fault, and you really did try
  • The perception that people not on your team are enemies that you must defeat

I really only see myself as the first one. I don't really get upset if I lose, and I mean that in a more general sense that takes into account life in general, not just games. And, I don't see other people as enemies, even if they are my opponents. But, "competitive" as I see it really encompasses all three of the things I listed, at least to some degree. So, maybe I'm not competitive. Maybe what I am just needs a more specific word... say, "drive." I'm driven.

Normally I'd look these things up, but most of the definitions I could find online for "competitive" (and other forms of the word) were economic, which I think is strange.

I do like to win. I try to win. Games aren't fun if one side isn't trying to win, or doesn't have a chance to win. But, I don't care if I don't. That's probably good, since I rarely seem to win at anything. But losing doesn't upset me. Maybe I'm a good loser just because I have so much experience at it.

So, there, I guess I'm not competitive after all. I'm too laid back for that. Nobody wins at everything anyway; it almost seems unhealthy to expect to win or to get upset when you don't.

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