Oh, how could I forget?

How could I forget Gwen Stefani's new CD? It's so retarded that it deserves its own post. I've really thought of myself as a big No Doubt guy, but I bought their last album and liked it a lot, so I gave Gwen's solo effort a try. It's weird; it's really strange dance-pop, I guess. And, I don't think I've ever had more mixed feelings about a CD. On one side, much of the CD is very catchy, interesting, and well-produced, and for some reason I enjoy listening to Stefani's bizarre voice. On the other side—the dark, filthy side—this CD contains what have to be some of the worst lyrics ever penned.

Seriously. I own a couple CDs that give me a slight amount of embarrassment: one, High Society by the Kottonmouth Kings. They crap out CDs at an astounding rate, and make sure there are a couple really good and radio-friendly tracks on each one, filling up the rest with steaming trash. I really can't help it if I love an awful song with lyrics that just brag about their really powerful sound system. The second CD that comes to mind is Britney Spears' latest full album, In the Zone. I probably should be more embarrassed about that, but it's a good dance CD, and I like most of the tracks. Sue me.

But neither of those would prepare me for Love.Angel.Music.Baby. (The actual punctuation of the title is debatable, as the periods are actually small Japanese characters.) As I've mentioned, much of this CD is actually enjoyable and catchy. I'm even usually pretty good about not getting bothered by awful lyrics. But some of these just hurt. The first track, "What You Waiting For?" contains the line "Take a chance, you stupid ho!" a dozen times. The first time she says that line, she says instead "Take a chance and you might grow," but goes with "ho" every other time, almost suggesting that she just forgot the lyrics and had to make up something awful on the spot. Then there's "Hollaback Girl." This song insults the intelligence of not just Gwen Stefani and myself, but indeed all of Earth. With lines such as "Ooo-oo-oh, this my shit, this my shit!" and "The shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!" repeated until vomiting is induced, this is probably the closest to aural ipecac syrup I've ever encountered. I absolutely can not understand why this song exists.

Anyway, the CD gets an overall negative rating from me thanks to that track. It's by no means an essential purchase for anyone but the most devoted Gwen Stefani fan. But, I've already paid for it, and I like listening to most of the songs, so I guess I'll get over it. But... damn.