Saving for retirement

Of course, having worked at my "real job" for less than half a year, saving up for retirement seems absolutely absurd. But, I figure that I really should start at some point. It's certainly going to have a very negative effect on my reckless spending, which is really disappointing. I'll start up my 401(k) in a month or two, at which point I will have 6% of my pay taken away from me before I even get it. Also, starting next paycheck, I am having another 15% of my income vountarily taken away to buy stock. This will be for more mid-term spending goals, like getting me to a point where I could go to a Jaguar dealership and just write a check for the full amount like one of my friends did.

Of course, in the meantime, I can evaluate other ways of saving for retirement. I had an idea today that wouldn't require any salary deductions to work. You know how people have been suing tobacco companies and McDonald's for all sorts of crazy money, right? Well, I figure that I already drink 10-12 cans of Diet Coke a day, something that will almost certainly give me cancer of pretty much the whole body. Assuming that in the future we still don't have a cure for the kind of everything-cancer that this plan is going to give me, I'll just sue the Coca-Cola company for my retirement fund. I mean, how was I to know that drinking an absurd amount of the stuff—a beverage strong enough to be used as a cleaner—every day was going to give me an incurable disease? Basically, I'm just betting my entire retirement on the likelihood that we don't have a cure for omnicancer in forty years. I can make a really good "sad puppy-dog" face, and assuming that judges will continue to get less and less scrupulous as the years go by, I think I'm pretty much assured a win.