So, my fingernails have progressed to the point where they are more "powerful claws" than "fingernails." Having put it off for far too long, I Segwayed down to Safeway to get nail clippers. I scoured the aisles looking for them, and finally gave up and found an employee who was walking around pointing a scanner at seemingly random objects, asking him where the nail clippers were. "In the next aisle over (points), first thing on the left." So, I go back and look through the other fingernail-related items one more time. A minute later he comes by, asking "still not finding them?" He then looks through the items that I just looked through, finding (like I did) that the only nail clippers that this Safeway carried were purple and had pictures of flowers on them, and cost $7. His reaction? "What the fuck? Bullshit!" Then, he left.
Anyway, I was not willing to pay $7 for purple nail clippers, so I left, reminded of a scene from the cinematic treasure Surf Ninjas starring Rob Schneider and Leslie Nielsen. At one point, a man tells Rob and the two surf ninjas that the ancient treasure that they are seeking is a collection of rare knives:
Man: We are looking for something money can't buy: the Knives of Kwan Su.
Schneider: Knives? Money can't buy knives? So, I walk into a knive store and I tell the clerk, "Here's a million dollars. Can I buy a knife?" The clerk says, "NO! Money can't buy knives."