Sunday, October 3, 2004

Money can't buy nail clippers

So, my fingernails have progressed to the point where they are more "powerful claws" than "fingernails." Having put it off for far too long, I Segwayed down to Safeway to get nail clippers. I scoured the aisles looking for them, and finally gave up and found an employee who was walking around pointing a scanner at seemingly random objects, asking him where the nail clippers were. "In the next aisle over (points), first thing on the left." So, I go back and look through the other fingernail-related items one more time. A minute later he comes by, asking "still not finding them?" He then looks through the items that I just looked through, finding (like I did) that the only nail clippers that this Safeway carried were purple and had pictures of flowers on them, and cost $7. His reaction? "What the fuck? Bullshit!" Then, he left.

Anyway, I was not willing to pay $7 for purple nail clippers, so I left, reminded of a scene from the cinematic treasure Surf Ninjas starring Rob Schneider and Leslie Nielsen. At one point, a man tells Rob and the two surf ninjas that the ancient treasure that they are seeking is a collection of rare knives:

Man: We are looking for something money can't buy: the Knives of Kwan Su.
Schneider: Knives? Money can't buy knives? So, I walk into a knive store and I tell the clerk, "Here's a million dollars. Can I buy a knife?" The clerk says, "NO! Money can't buy knives."

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