Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Condoms and K-Y

So, Safeway's home delivery is pretty awesome. Five bucks every once in a while and I don't have to go to the grocery store anymore. Just copy/paste my shopping list into the site, and it finds everything I need. When it arrives, it's always the same guy bringing my groceries. It's kind of weird, because he makes comments on what I buy. "You gonna hibernate for the winter or something?" "Wow, you must really like clam chowder." "I think X waffles are better." "What are you going to use all of these green beans for?" ...and so forth. It's a little unsettling. I'm pretty sure that when I worked at Russ's Market, one of the first things they told checkers was not to comment on what people are buying, even if it's a ninety-year-old man who can barely walk buying nothing but a pile of condoms and K-Y. (That happened more than once, and they always wink at you when they put them down on the counter.)

Yesterday I had a big order delivered, and he made slightly disconcerting, random comments as always. THEN, last night, I had a really strange and short dream. I was buying something online—something that was apparently terribly embarrassing (no, I don't know what it was)—but I couldn't bring myself to do it, just in case the Safeway guy were the one to deliver the order, because I'd never hear the end of it. So, I ended up not buying whatever it was.

So, as I'm Segwaying off to work this morning, I hear a honk from beside me, and it's the Safeway guy waving at me.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Stalktastic!!

-Clay

Swid said...

I should SO go and buy nothing but condoms and K-Y jelly now, just to see the cashier's expression...it would be even funnier if a friend (and only one friend) went along as well.

stolee said...

i can see swid and rusty going together on a big box of condoms, k-y, and scented candles. you should hold hands, too.

Henry Schimke said...

Hehe, yeah, i really like the idea of grocery delivery, and i hope to all heaven that i live somewhere that has it...

also, i do recall my days at kmart a little too well of now. I recall once when a guy came through and bought cherries, a can of whipped cream, and condoms. It was just uncomfortable checking him out because he had tried to hide that this was all he was buying by also buying some gum...