Okay, if you're the sort of person who tells me to post more dream reports, this one's a doozy for you.
I started off in my middle school. I was my current age, so I must have been visiting. It was the end of the day and I began looking for a bathroom. The closest one that I could see was a homemade sign above a classroom, so I headed that way. As I walked in, I saw that there was a closet in the back with a "men's restroom" sign on it that had been X'ed out with red marker. I continued walking, pretending not to see the class in session or the red X over the sign. Outraged, the teacher (who was my social studies teacher from my freshman year of high school) yelled "Spomer! What are you doing here? You'd better not be thinking that just because it's opposites day you can pee in my closet!" Found out, I quickly shifted to plan B. I started walking more methodically and made robot noises. Then I turned sharply and erratically a few times and walked out, as if I were just a poor lost and confused robot who happened to stumble in. I think she bought it.
After that, I was in a car with my mom, heading to my house. As she approached the house she just continued full speed toward the fence at the end of the road that doesn't exist in real life. I reached my foot over and started breaking as I said "pay attention, Mom!" She angrily looked at me, now completely ignoring the road and the fence, declaring that she WAS paying attention, and that I was being rude. She said "I'm driving. Let me drive." So, I let go of the brakes, and then she accelerated right into the fence, into the garbage heap behind it. (Seeing a garbage heap there seemed to even surprise me in the dream; I seemed to know that there wasn't supposed to be one there.) As soon as we hit the garbage heap, parts started to fall of the car, until it was just a skeleton there in a pile of other car parts. Then she just looked at me and said "oh."
After pulling myself and my mom out of the garbage heap, the next thing that happened in the dream was that I found myself playing a real-time strategy game. (Mmmm, it's been a while; that sounds good right about now.) I won't go into the details of this game as I can only remember a few and they aren't very interesting. The game didn't end before the dream shifted to something else entirely.
In the next scene, I was watching a car be chased on the highway by a bunch of extremely large semi trucks that took up two lanes apiece. They were several stories tall and very imposing. The car sharply took a turn and went into a tunnel, and I watched (in slow-motion, no less) as the trucks impacted with the tunnel and sent a massive clichéd fireball toward the car in the tunnel, which narrowly escaped being burned.
After that, I was in the lobby of what seemed to be a museum. I watched as a sexy female assassin in purplish-black leather caused a distraction to get the woman at the front desk to leave her post, allowing the assassin to run up to the desk and disable the security cameras. But, the other woman returned sooner than was expected, and started looking for the assassin in the lobby area. Right as the woman was about to find the assassin, the assassin stood up, picked up a heavy vase, and threw it at the woman's head to knock her out. She screamed in pain, but was still conscious. No matter what she threw or swung at the woman's head, she simply would not be knocked out, in a scene stolen almost directly from Red Dwarf.
Then the scene shifted and I saw a professor in front of the museum auditorium giving a presentation, but he was wearing gym shorts and a dickie (or, specifically, whatever you call the dickies that football players wear) instead of a suit, so the visitors were just laughing at him. He was very embarrassed, until one of the visitors stood up—it was the sexy assassin. He darted for the door. Back in the lobby, I saw the professor running for his life from the assassin, yelling for the security guard to shoot her. The guard aimed a semiautomatic shotgun at the assassin and fired several shells directly at her chest, which didn't stop her. The security guard looked very pleased as someone turned to him and yelled, "you idiot! You're firing blanks!" to which he matter-of-factly replied, "of course I am! I'm in a museum!" They started chasing after the assassin, and when they caught up to her, the unarmed security guard grabbed a knife from the armed guard and threw it directly into the assassin's neck, killing her and saving the professor from whoever was trying to murder him.
And that's where the dream ended.