Guys who unbutton the top button of a button-down shirt, or no buttons at all, are perfectly normal. Guys who unbutton the top two buttons are a little odd, unless they have a hairy chest, in which case they are either unpleasant or obliviously creepy. Guys who unbutton the top HALF of their shirt are just bizarre. This isn't Star Trek or Europe. Please learn to button your shirt properly. Here is a simple summary of the rules that you can print out and post in your closet:

• Am I wearing a tie? If so, utilize all buttons.
• Am I unnaturally attractive? If so, utilize all buttons except the top button; you may leave 0-2 buttons on the bottom unfastened at your discretion if you are also pretentious.
• Otherwise, utilize all buttons except the top button.

I do not want to see your torso-pubes. I do not want to see mine; I certainly do not want to see yours.

As they do not typically exhibit this problem, women are exempt from these rules. Please feel free to ignore as many buttons as you would like.